We recently got this message from a woman in Europe asking for advice on how she can support her friend who stutters. We figured that the best advice would come from people who stutter, so we’re passing it along.
i have a very good friend who has a mild stuttering. He is a great man, he is looking good but i hate that he doesn’t has any selfconfidence. He’s everyday is about hiding his stuttering. He is running away from situations where he has to speak with unknown people, he is running away from talking on the phone, he is running away from himself, even his stuttering isn’t sever at all, in normal situations he is speaking fluently, he hasn’t any blocks, only when he is really nervouse, than he could have even a 10 sec. block.
i would like to make him accept himself, but i don’t have any succes:( … we aren’t speaking about his stuttering at all. i just simply hate, when he is staying with the phone in his hand, and finally running away from making a call, or when he likes a girl, but he doesn’t makes the first step to her….
can u give me some advice?
What is your advice for this woman concerning her friend who stutters?
photo: laughlin
Related posts:
I spoke with the guys on StutterTalk last summer about being the girlfriend of someone who stutters…maybe that would help (episode 137: http://stuttertalk.com/2009/08/02/Mandy-Sims-stuttering.aspx )? I’m not sure how much *advice* I can really give, but I would also be open to chatting with this woman about certain experiences and things that I have found helpful. Good for her for seeking help!
Comment by Mandy — March 18, 2010 @ 12:13 pm
Mandy – thanks for the link and being willing to help!
Comment by Eric — March 18, 2010 @ 12:15 pm
First I want to applaud this lady for wanting to help her friend in this way and for reaching out for advice. The first thing that comes to mind is to tell him he can do it. Whatever he is afraid of. For example: I was really afraid to sign up for a teacher job fair, but a friend of mine said I shouldn’t limit myself because of the job market. He encouraged me to sign up and so I did. I stuttered a lot during my interviews, but felt GREAT afterwords for doing it! Oh, I did self-advertise (tell the person I am talking to that I stutter) to everyone I talked to.
I have another friend who brought up my stuttering even though I never did. I liked it because she wasn’t afraid to bring up , even though I was (I love talking about stuttering now). I would suggest sitting down with your friend and tell hi you WANT to talk about stuttering and that you are curious about it. It may just take someone taking interest in stuttering for him to open up about it.
Comment by Sarah B. — March 18, 2010 @ 1:13 pm
Just thought of something that I think would help. Tell him you think it is OK to stutter. I will repeat that, it is OK to stutter!
Comment by Sarah B. — March 18, 2010 @ 1:33 pm
I have several deceased uncles on my mother’s side of the family who stuttered. One of them was able to afford speech therapy after he left home. His therapist used a book published by The Stuttering Foundation of America. Because of that, he got materials from them and had them sent to his brothers. The Foundation is a nonprofit organization that has a marvelous web site at http://www.stutteringhelp.org where you can find referrals to speech therapists trained in stuttering in any state, online books and videos; loads of information for teachers, parents, and employers; and information on research. The brochures include one on talking on the telephone and another on tips for speaking with someone who stutters.
Comment by Bud Bultman — March 18, 2010 @ 1:57 pm
The book “Self-Therapy for the Stutterer” that the Stuttering Foundation sells could be helpful. http://www.jcbell.com/Merchant5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=SFA&Product_Code=0012&Category_Code=B
As Bud mentioned above, the Stuttering Foundation has many helpful resources one of which is a referral list. Check and see if there is anyone in your country who works with people who stutter. If your friend is interested he could also do a consultation over the phone or on skype with one of us here at AIS. I think the important thing is to understand that everyone who stutters is in a different place. We have to respect the place they are at and accept where they are and how they are feeling. Not only have I worked here at AIS for the past 7 years with clients who stutter, I also dated someone who stuttered and it taught me a great amount. It’s not our job to change anyone. Being there for them and them knowing that you are there is important.
Comment by Chamonix — March 18, 2010 @ 2:34 pm
One last thing. For those in the U.S. there is a stuttering specialists referral list on http://www.stutteringspecialists.org This is separate from the site on the Stuttering Foundation. Those on the stuttering foundation list have requested to be on that list but do not have to submit credentials or do any extensive training. On the Specialty Board for Fluency Disorders site you have a list of Board Recognized Fluency Specialists (BRS-FD) who have had their credentials peer reviewed. Theses clinicians have to keep their credentials up to date every 3 years with continued training and working with clients who stutter. The process took me about 2-3 years to go through myself. A board (which I am now on) reviews the portfolios that clinicians submit showing their proficiency of being able to work with those who stutter.
Comment by Chamonix — March 18, 2010 @ 2:55 pm
People have mentioned the website of The Stuttering Foundation (stutteringhelp.org) and I think that is a great start. That site has a lot of free resources such as streaming videos, downloadable brochures and a national directory of qualified speech therapists. The books and DVDs of the Stuttering Foundation are also helpful I have found.
One of the brochures on their website is called “Special Education Law and Stuttering” and details how every child in the U.S. has the right under federal law to free speech therapy from preschool through high school. Many parents do not know this. This free speech therapy applies to all speech problems and not just stuttering.
My advice here is that stuttering can be successfully treated at any age. The person just needs to find the right fit. What works for one person will not necessarily work for another; speech therapy is subjective. I recommend that a person fully check out a speech therapy and avoid ones that promise “fluency” and have a hefty price tag.
Comment by Gary Ewing — March 19, 2010 @ 11:39 pm
I can totally relate to this guy. I also have had a severe stuttering and I used to isolate myself from every place where I had to speak. I used to send emails to teachers to let them know that I can’t give mandatory class presentations because I stutter. I never asked a single question from any teacher in any class in my 5 year college life. I never gave any answer in any class(even though many times I knew the answers !). After college it took me 8 months to find a job, even though most of the time I was the best candidate for those job(s). Phone interviews were a disaster for me, I have seen people making fun of me on my face and on the phone. I used to write everything on a paper before calling anyone. But then in the end of 2009 I realized that no one is perfect, and YOU DON’T NEED TO BE PERFECT TO BE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL. Since that day I promised myself that no matter how much I stutter I will say what I want to say, after that I started to talk a lot in front of the mirror. I started to call different toll free numbers and started to ask various questions and most of all I started to advertise a lot(trust me it helps). In fact I went to a job interview where good communication skills was a MUST, and the first thing which I said was “I am a stutterer, so I will take some extra time to talk”, believe it or not exactly after 2 days I got the job offer from them, but I didn’t join them because I got a better one at another place. I still stutter but now I don’t care about it…
Comment by Rizwan — March 21, 2010 @ 10:19 am
This is great. Thanks to everyone for your encouraging input.
Comment by Eric — March 21, 2010 @ 10:56 am